I love my kids, but there is a 7-year age difference between my 17-year-old and my 10-year-old, and that makes all of that family bonding a little rough (I had each child on Navy shore duty assignments, and there was a 7 year stretch at sea between pregnancies. Kinda into planning….that’s me.)
Right now, they have little in common.
When I get all excited with the maps and ready to plan excursions, my teen daughter is less than interested in my favorite ideas for long-haul road trips with her brother in the van.
“Less than interested” meaning “violently objects to.”
Here’s the thing: she now has a life outside of her immediate family. Friends. Buddies. Other plans. A driver’s license.
So, when it’s time for Thanksgiving break or the December holiday break or Spring Break, she wants to see her best girl pal coming home from a grueling stint at West Point, or hang out with other friends, not drive with us to West Texas for a visit to Fort Davis and a McDonald Observatory star party (the latest road trip on my wish list.)
We’ll still drag her out periodically, and she loves to travel given the right circumstances, but the tail-wagging days of enthusiasm are over (until a few more years pass, and then suddenly the Parental Units are cool again – you know how that is.)
Moral of the story: travel a ton when they’re younger, before they decide that their own peer group is infinitely more appealing than long trips with squawky brothers and parents in a minivan.
{ 2 trackbacks }
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Great advice, Sheila. My kids are 14, 11 and 6 and we’re considering a year away, traveling.around Europe. But now my teen is fearing being in small, confined spaces long-term with her tween sister, and being away from her high school pals for a year, and I’m not sure we can get past those concerns. Sigh. It’s much easier to pack ‘em up and go before they really think about it! Lisa @TheWorldCalls
Awesome reminder, Sheila. Thankfully my two are close in age (2 yrs apart), but still I dread the day that one or the other or both will want to do things other than hang out w/ us during school vacations! (Ack, does your daughter go to college next year? Don’t even want to think about that in my world… we’ve got time!!)
This is a thoughtful piece. I believe we waited too late to indoctrinate our kids into the fun of family travel.
One thing that did help was those trips we encouraged our sons to help with the travel planning. The key being as parents to honor that commitment to them for the things the select along the way. If they want to see the giant rubber band ball, then make sure to stop. Don’t make excuses.
Hi Lisa,
That’s right, haul them all over and they’ll start to think that’s normal.
I wish we could move back out of the US for awhile so that my son gets that experience (he’s too young to remember living in the Netherlands.) He’d totally go for it now, but I don’t know how that would fly in a few years.
Hi Kara, Yep, college is looming on the horizon. It’s even weirder to be on my end, I assure you!
Hi Todd, It’s never too late (I still like to take short trips with my own parents) but yeah, to bribe them now it would help to add a lot of stuff that they like, which kinda blows for the Parental Units.
I really appreciated Todd’s response – to encourage and accept a teen’s ideas (or some of them, anyway!) about what to see and do and eat while travel planning. That way everyone knows that it will take a bit of sacrifice and a lot of cooperation (even from the parents) for each family member to enjoy the experience overall. And, we probably should expect a teen to want some alone time, or at least time to ‘disappear’ with headphones.
I would add to remember to allow kids to spend their money on what they like – so many times we’d be out and about, and each boy had their own small sum of money, but hubby couldn’t help himself and interjected negative comments about this or that being a waste of money or too expensive. I say: if they want a silly item with moving parts that will surely break the next day, or the overpriced baseball cap, or a $4 bottle of coke, let them get it.
Great Advice! I will try and take advantage of this time to travel with the family! I so enjoy a good road trip! The key is finding places that are fun and exciting to please several age groups. Its not always easy but can certainly be done.
Makes sense & certainly one of the reasons we took off on our open ended family world tour in 2006 when our child was 5 and reading well. ( I’m a big believer that reading enhances travel…even more so for kids).
Still, perhaps it also depends on the kid/s or family? Not sure, but there have been some families who have had very enthusiastic teen family travelers ( ie Maya Frost, author of the Global Student who did it with 4 teen girls & 6 in the world that did it with 4 kids including 2 teen boys etc)…so seems it can be done quite joyfully and enthusiastically.
I always thought we might settle down for the teen years, but not sure now. Travel is so fabulous for teens. I am pretty impressed with the world schooling via travel that Eli Gerzon does with teens or the unschool travel that the author Blake Boles of “College Without Highschool” does with teens.
I don’t see why these types of trips can’t be done as a family for much less money. The experts predict that within a decade over half of schooling will be done online…which makes it even easier to travel as a family with kids of any age.
Today many of us can work and school any where ( living well on an extremely low budget like we do), so why not engage teens in that? The 21st century will need more global citizens & language learning is easiest via immersion! Slow travel is cheap and gives kids a deep understanding of other cultures….that can impress even some “buzz off” teens.
No kids but a lifetime fan of and visitor to Fort Davis and McDonald Observatory (it was my Dad’s favorite family excursion a very easy jaunt from our West Texas/Permian Basin home), so one word for you: weather. My last two visits to the region were in early September 2007 and October 2008 and it gets cold at night. That means attendance at a Star Party requires winter wear and family members who can deal with it enough to enjoy the crisp, clear skies.
I fully appreciate the challenges of taking tweens and teens on vacation. With an almost 13 year old and a 16 year old the pressures of work, school, summer jobs, sleep away camps, etc. make it tough to find the time, let alone the money. We basically take one or two major trips a year and work hard to make sure they have a lot of input and that we deisgn the tip to have enough downtime and personal space so that they don’t have to be on top of one another 24×7. I’ve just started to build out my blog but you might find my Hawaii Big Island ideas of use. http://www.travel-with-teens.com
The last holiday I went on with my parents was when I was 18. I think they wanted it to partly be a present for me (along with being for their wedding anniversary) but it was a mare. To be honest, I was counting down the days to get back home again so was probably a really miserable git the whole time!
Thanks for the additional feedback and comments, everyone! You’ve made me more determined to pack in a couple more short trips while we can.
Also, I just went on a quick two-day trip with my parents, and we had a wonderful time together. Obviously simply have to get past the teen years and it works itself out.